River Barge

Ron Taylor – roncre8s@taylorcreative.ca

Traditional Dictionary Definition barge n 1: a broad flat-bottomed boat for river or canal use moved by towing 2: a powerboat supplied to a flag- ship (as for use by an admiral) 3: a ceremonial boat, elegantly furnished

Ignore Above… Modern Travel Definition barge n 1: elegant moving hotel that meanders from European village to village 2: a luxury living and dining experience 3: stress remover and creator of personal bliss

The romanticized view of Europe puts us in a blissful countryside, perhaps poking through a quaint village. Other than the chirp of a bird or the moo of a dairy cow, the sounds are muted; and wonderful pastries greet us every morning.

Turn the page to a modern Europe, where cars buzz around crowded cities and dart around each other on skinny stretches of highway. Fast food beckons. The Internet has shrunk the continent (and the world for that matter), and the pulse of technology and pursuit of a united continental economy gets set to wage commercial battle with the world’s markets.

Where is this enchanted Europe of our romantic dreams? You can relax. Thankfully, it hasn’t moved a muscle. Simply, the methods of getting there have just evolved and taken most of us with it.

Let me suggest another way. You’ve all heard of water and that many things float on it. This not only includes sleek cruise liners and personal powerboats but also a simply amazing way to scratch the belly of Europe—luxury hotel barge cruising.

This certainly isn’t what your mind’s eye summons at first glance. Today’s Europe is a vast network of canals initially used to haul goods from village to village. Today, the canals have themselves evolved to add yet another way to see the essential Europe.

Barging has become the ideal way to quietly and leisurely traverse the continent. The pace of travel is slow, and one can actually take time to see the countryside

a far cry from white-knuckling it on the Autobahn! Villages pop up out of nowhere and offer the chance to see a Europe that has not changed in hundreds of years.

The barges themselves house between six to twelve passengers with four to six crewmembers at your beck and call. They can be fully modern in construction or elegantly preserved to display fine hardwoods and stained glass. The staterooms are stylishly decorated, and the cuisine is to die for. Lazing on the top deck usually means soaking up a quiet sun or dipping your toes into a spa or pool. Sipping on your favourite beverage as the windmills go by is a required activity. Some of the barges have saunas and fitness studios; all have superb dining rooms and common gathering spots inside.

Then, there are the destinations…

On any given journey, our bargists may be rolling by the Scottish Highlands and stopping by ancient castles and fields of battle on the way to Loch Ness or the nearby Heather Green nine-holer. On another voyage, you may picture yourself stopping by timeless British river- side pubs or classic 500-year-old chapels and colleges.

France is particularly magnificent and has perfected this type of travel. Obviously, there are iconic sites such as Paris, but it’s the out-of-the-way villages that make the country sparkle. Picture yourself in the Loire Valley dining on the finest of local foods while sipping the delectable nectars from wine cellars that are hundreds of years old. Another series of journeys takes you to the north and south Burgundy areas where, of course, the wine is exquisite and the locals charming. The Napa Valley has nothing on this, thank you very much!

Further south, we can explore the culturally rich Provence and Camargue districts. If you want deluxe, this is the area for you; expect to find lavender fields, stone churches, southern delicacies, and fine weather. The River Rhone and the medieval city of Avignon will generate a lifetime of memories; and your voyage ends at the incomparable Mediterranean seaside.

With many stops along the way and ample opportunity to do a little bit of shopping, a little bit of eating, some cycling, or even balloon riding, barge cruising options are endless. Despite the optics, most say that the intimacy of the barge setting coupled with the charm of the staff and local people are what make these types of vacations magical. Charter the whole boat or simply book yourself in with other new friends who, like yourself, are thirsting for a unique and personal Europe.

The romantic Europe of our mind’s eye remains, and it’s just a matter of finding the right way of discover ing it. A lazy wander on an elegant barge will indeed give you a rich and fulfilling travel experience that will no doubt stimulate social conversations back home for years!

Ron Taylor

BY REID MORRISON AND RON TAYLOR - roncre8s@taylorcreative.ca

If you’ve ever thought about taking a cycling vacation but were not sure where to start, here is some advice on choosing a destination and what to pack

CYCLING TRIPS ARE A GREAT WAY TO interact with what’s around you and see and experience your surroundings at a leisurely pace. There is no competition or yellow jer- sey for the one who comes in first at the end of the day. With cycling holidays becoming a popular vacation choice, just what is the best type of trip?

First and foremost you need to decide whether you wish to road race or have a cul- tural experience over handlebars! Some of us are a tad out of shape and a little intimidated at the thought of tackling a two-week bike trip; however, you don’t need to be Lance Armstrong to get maximum enjoyment out of your vacation. Most people will be sur- prised at what they can accomplish. There is one simple rule: “Do what you can, not what you think others think you should do.” Take your time, take some photos, and chat with the locals. When you get tired, throw your bike in the support vehicle and ride for a while.

There are two ways to do a bicycle trip:

Self-organized—if you are a capable cyclist, have a flexible timetable, are familiar

with bike maintenance, and good at logistical planning, then travelling on your own or with a small group of like-minded individu- als has many advantages. It will be cheaper, and often the challenges you incur will end up making the best adventures and memo- ries.

Organized tour—if you are on a limited time schedule, not physically up for a lot of cycling every day, travelling on your own, or wishing to travel in a country that has limited infrastructure for independent spinning, then joining an established organized tour offers many attractions. It will be more expensive, but all the little things are taken care of and all you need to worry about is carrying your camera and water bottle.

Choosing a Destination

If you are not sure whether you want to cycle through a totally different country such as Vietnam or Tibet, spin through the vineyards of Tuscany, or tackle something closer to home like the Gulf Islands, the best place to start your research is a local bookstore or the Internet. Leafing through pictures and stories from other people who have tried and experienced different destinations is a great way to find that special place that appeals to you. Here is a quick checklist you can go through:

■ Determine the destination you want to experience.

■ Determine the length of time you want to travel.

■ Decide whether you are doing this on your own or with a tour.

■ Talk to your travel agent to plan your trav- el logistics or select a bike tour operator.

■ Talk to people who have done the same trip and get their recommendations and insights.

■ Ensure you have a valid passport and visa (a passport has to be valid for a least six months prior to your last day of departure).

■ Depending on the country you are visit- ing, make sure you have the appropriate inoculations.

Equipment

Some companies will provide bikes as part of their tour package. This saves you the hassle of getting your bike to wherever you may be headed. However, you will be more comfortable and will bike further on your own bike. Airlines these days differ as to whether they will charge you for taking a bike as part of your luggage, so it’s important to double check this. Thankfully, if you are travelling internationally most carriers still allow you to take your bike for free as long as it is boxed properly and one of your two allowed checked pieces of luggage. As well, if you are on a tour, most companies (but not all) will have competent guides and support vehicles that carry basic tools and will assist with basic repairs. This means that you don’t have to be an expert bike mechanic or carry an extensive toolkit. Knowing basic bicycle repairs is certainly useful, however, and will serve you well at home as well as abroad.

Here is a list of a few useful items to pack:

■ Helmet—it makes no sense to spend thousands of dollars on your bike and trip and then not insure your brain! Taking your own helmet also ensures you have one that fits properly;

■ Gloves and cycling clothes;

■ Shoes, cleats, or clips;

■ Y key wrench;

■ Allen key set;

■ Pedal wrench;

■ Puncture repair kit and spare inner tube;

■ Vitamins and energy bars;

■ First-aid kit.

A bike holiday is like no other way of travelling. You will find each day a never-ending sequence of ups and downs and highs and lows as you encounter lovely winding roads, steep hills, friendly local people, obnoxious truck drivers, and exhilarating glides down magnificent hills. You will end your journey with a sense of achievement and satisfaction that will only set the table for your next great cycling adventure.

There are a few of these that I wish I had installed on my last vacation. That said, be sure that your data package will work where you are going. Make a call to your provider before you go as they often have options to ensure you are connected while you are away.  The following apps are available through itunes but I have also included the website when possible.

• World Customs is interesting. This app lets you know what is acceptable and what is offensive in every imaginable destination.

• Hear Planet -  It’s a great way to learn about your surroundings and you’ll be amazed at what you find. Click here for website

• XE Currency app for IPAD – very useful while on the go and wanting to know the exchange

• Skype has an app for your phone or ipad to save you $ on phone bills while you travel - click here for website

• Google Latitude – see where you are and where you are going click here for website

• FlightTrack Pro – shows arrivals, departures and delays without checking the board - click here for website

• Cruise Finder – find cruises and information from your phone click here for website

• Undercover Tourist – for Disney skip the lines – this app shows wait times and helps you navigate through the long lines go here for website

• Baby Pack & Go – a custom list of things to take with you on your vacation you’re your baby.  go here for website

• Urbanspoon – find the best restaurants. I have used this app while travelling and it is very helpful. I don’t have a link to the app but it is easily found on itunes

• iTranslate – translate languages on the go click here for website

• HazelMail – send your photos from your phone as postcards without ever going to the post office. I absolutely must have this one as I am always coming home with postcards in my suitcase that I had meant to mail but didn’t - click here for website

• SitOrSquat – bathroom finder – another must have, especially with a two-year-old in tow.Click here for website

Thanks to the world-wide-web, the world is at our fingertips. Travellers research vacations online, even when using an agent, and some are so brave as to book the entire excursion, one click at a time, all on their own.

My husband and I rely on informed agents to arrange our family vacations, however on one occasion we took a chance and booked ourselves.  From that one experience, I learned a valuable lesson: I will NEVER do that again.

We thought we were playing it safe: it wasn’t a jungle trek or a trip to Tanzania with a wad of cash, a backpack and a baby carriage. No, our vacation was in Maui, Hawaii and the bait was an impressive private villa that my husband found online.  The house was more than 6,000 square feet of wood beam and glass, only steps from the ocean.  It bragged of a natural stone Jacuzzi under the stars, a yoga studio, a private beach and best of all, a massive master bedroom surrounded by windows with a king-sized bed in the middle, embraced by tropical forest and a full view of the ocean at sunset.

The photographs and description were so enticing that we ignored the enormous cost (more than $1,000 a night), a substantial down payment and the strict “no refund” policy. We bit the bullet, paid in advance and did a happy dance. Four months later, we packed up our six-month-old baby, our teenage daughter, our nanny and a caravan of luggage and embarked on what we thought would be the dream holiday of dream holidays.

We landed in Maui at night and drove through the darkness, excited to be somewhere warm and soon to be somewhere spectacular.  It was a forty-minute drive to the property gate, which was well hidden and required a few switchbacks to find.  The entryway was long and dark and in the distance we could see a light.  As we drew nearer, the most immaculate building peaked through the palms and tangle of buildings that were otherwise invisible in the darkness.  The house was awesome, an oasis at the end of a long journey.  Indeed, it was more amazing at that moment, shining like a massive beacon alone on the beach, than any picture ever portrayed on a website.  I was at the height of excitement, and sighed in relief for I had some trepidation over the nepherious terms.

The door to the big house was open and so we entered. The foyer was expansive and I noted several pairs of shoes at the door. “Is this the right place?” I thought. “Is someone else staying here?” Just as I was getting comfortable in the foyer, the owner with whom we had booked, Suzanne, appeared and quickly unsettled our settlement. “Oh, let me take you to your villa” she said. “What, “Isn’t this it?” I gasped. “Oh no,” she replied, “but it is only a short walk from here.”  I began to feel uneasy.

She led us through the darkness, my arms growing numb as I carried my baby over stones and bush, peering through the black in hopes to avoid unseen hazards while listening to Suzanne explain the 100-year history of the plantation.  As she explained, a low rumble arose to my right, and her words dissolved as the rumble grew to a deafening roar.

My heart raced, my son awoke crying (not that I could hear him even though he was in my arms) and I looked up to the heavens fearing the worst.  Fortunately it was not an aerial attack, but only a jet plane taking off only a few-hundred meters overhead. Our long drive from the airport had resulted in our arrival at the very end of the airstrip, a VERY short stroll from this “glorious villa”.

“Does this happen all time?” I shouted at the top of my lungs but Suzanne could not hear me. “What?” she said. I shouted again, growing irritated. I had a distinct sense that things were going downhill and going fast.  After three attempts she finally understood me and responded, “Oh, I didn’t even notice. You get used to it.”  I swore out loud, but she didn’t hear that either.

After a few minutes of stumbling through the dark, sliding on wet stones and things unseen, we arrived at the “real” villa and I had an urge to punch the too bubbly, overly-oblivious, Suzanne.  The building was small plywood structure that was quaint, but by no means what we had expected. The lock on the front door had been destroyed by what might have been a screwdriver, and I wondered about our safety. When we entered it smelled of must, earth and age and I determined that this was no place for a small baby. I wanted to go home and we had only just arrived.

The Villa:

When the roar and the ringing in my ears subsided, I learned from Suzanne’s rambling that the mansion online was apparently Susanne’s personal residence and not at all what we had rented.  Our $1000 + a night vacation was instead an old plantation house which was built for workers more than 50 years ago.

The “perks” such as the Jacuzzi and yoga studio existed, alright, but not for us. These were reserved for the people in the “big house, aka the owners and in the light of day we found signs posted all around the property reminding us that if we were to so much as cross the lawn, we were trespassing.

I could go on for hours about the discoveries and disappointments of this vacation, but it is suffice to say it was both the most expensive and the worst holiday I have experienced.

What I learned:

• There is more than one type of cockroach and this shack had all of them
• Plywood walls do not block the sound of a jet plane
• Jets fly pretty much 24/7 at the Maui airport
• A partially stocked kitchen may include rotted food from the previous tenant
• Geckos are good…but I prefer them outside the house
• Utensils rust in tropical climates, and according to Suzanne, it happens within hours of exposure to the air
• Barbeques must be cleaned at least once every few years or they will plug with grease and not work – who knew?
• Bugs love chocolate cupcakes – especially ants
• 25-year-old plungers will disintegrate if used to unplug a toilet
• A private beach isn’t really that private
• Pictures are deceiving
• People can be deceptive
• Just because something is expensive, doesn’t mean that it is all that it appears
• If it doesn’t mention cleaning services, it may not have it

I came away from that adventure very disappointed, exhausted and a bit wiser although at my age, learning from experience is overrated.

My husband and I love our vacations, but since that experience, we rely on the advice of the agents.